Momference: A Meeting of the Moms

We spend more hours at work than any other generation, leaving us less time for housework and leisure time. If you value leisure time over housework, then de-stressing household chores should become your priority.
And with children in the house, well, comedian Phyllis Diller said it best: “Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.”

Here are six tips to de-stress cleaning house, to give yourself more time for your family and yourself!

1. Delegate.
Don’t take on all housecleaning chores by yourself. Delegate weekly chores with a chart you make listing: person responsible, day of week, chore, reward. Adding a column for rewards is important to motivate you and your family toward success. In fact, think about what family restaurant outing or entertainment expense you believe is worth skipping to bring in a cleaning service once a month to give yourself a real vacation.

2. Spot clean each day. Get a bucket and fill it with a rag, cleaning fluid, paper towels and a scrub brush. Take it with you when you take a shower in the morning to spot clean (quick clean) as you go. Ditto with every room you visit each day. Spot cleaning each day prevents you from spending hours each week cleaning leftover messes. Then hide that bucket under the sink until the next day.

3. Choose a “clean sweep” day. On “clean sweep” day, whether it’s once a week or once a month, take your cleaning bucket from room to room and scour up. You can choose one room or two rooms per “clean sweep” day. Mark these days on your calendar to stay ahead of your mess.

4. Don’t be a maid to your things. If you have too much stuff to clean, get rid of some of your stuff. If you want to donate it, immediately put a box full of things to be donated inside your car trunk so the box doesn’t become one more thing to step over when you walk inside your door.

5. Integrate. Integrate pleasant or distracting activities into your house cleaning. While you fold clothes, watch a favorite show. Play dance music to energize you, and for the exercise as you go. Invite your children to describe their day while you clean the kitchen, and invite them to talk and help as you go.

6. Forgive yourself. Relax, because there’s no law against messy houses. If you are stressed-out, forgive yourself the chore of housecleaning. The mess will still be there tomorrow, but you’ll be in a better, calmer mood to attack it. If you get a surprise visit, laugh out loud about it. Laughter is contagious, and knowing not everyone is perfect (nor are their houses) is a refreshing break from the demands we place on ourselves and others.

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Ruth Klein, America’s trademarked De-Stress Diva, is a nationally renowned lifestyle and time management coach, best-selling author and consultant. With a master’s degree in clinical psychology, Ruth Klein has coached clients ranging from stay-at-home moms and working mothers to Fortune 500 executives on how to maximize their productivity, minimize their stress and enjoy a more rewarding life. She is the author of the book, “Time Management Secrets for Working Women,” which also will be the subject of an upcoming PBS Special.

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We lose a lot when we accept society’s pressure to box off parts of ourselves depending on the time of day and whether we’re wearing our business suit or our sweat suit.  Sometimes, that pressure to compartmentalize means we tend to forget that what we learn in one part of our life can provide valuable insights into other parts of life.  Here are a few of the things I’ve learned over the last 15 years of blending motherhood and business management:

• Taking a Deep Breath Helps.  Time-out works.  When my kids were very young and time-outs were frequent, I learned that I probably needed the time-out even more than they did so that I could regain perspective and think about my BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement, as they say in the office).  Was the issue worth the effort?  Had I overlooked something from the other person’s perspective?  Being hungry, tired or wet  can make a person cranky.  Fix what’s causing the grouchiness, and the surface problem may take care of itself.
• I found that the same skills worked at the office.  Once when two staffers were arguing about a fairly trivial issue, I refused to make the decision.  Instead, I told them to go back to their offices, write up the justification for their separate proposals, and not come back to me until they had a workable solution.  Stunned, one man asked if I had just put him in time out.  “Yes,” I replied, “and don’t make me take away dessert!”  Abashed, the two quarreling co-workers went back to their desks, thought through their differing proposals and came back with a workable solution.  (And in the meantime, I diffused the general tension in the office, bought myself time to think about the differing approaches, and made a few phone calls to check out what was really going on.)
• Discoveries don’t happen on schedule.  Creativity and true insight is less likely to happen when you’re grinding away than when you take a walk, stare out the window, or switch scenery.  Fidgeting during homework is part of thinking.  Why expect it to work differently just because you’re in a suit at a desk?  Give yourself permission to walk around the building, stare out the window at the squirrels, listen to a relaxing song or do a 10-minute meditation.  You can be working when it doesn’t look like work.  (And you can be spinning your wheels when you look productive.)
• Fairness counts.  No, the world isn’t fair—but you can make your corner of it as even-handed as possible.  And with a teenager, a pre-teen and an elementary schooler, I know that fair isn’t always the same as equal and equal isn’t always fair.  Having said that, the trust that comes with knowing you will get a square deal goes a long way.  Whether you’re in the office or on the playground, it’s not nice to play favorites, ignore the rules, cheat to win, or switch rules in the middle of the game.
• People learn from watching you.  My children have learned that teachers grade papers at night, TV commercials are written by someone, and books start out as a big stack of loose papers.  Their trips to my office—and later, up the stairs to my home office when I started my company—taught a lot about how business and finance work.  At the same time, co-workers in the corpborate environment learned that having children doesn’t mean a woman loses the ability to think, work or meet deadlines.  Motherhood meant that I challenged any entrenched inefficiency or thoughtless imposition that got in the way of getting the maximum amount of work done before daycare closed.  That made for a more productive workplace and lightened a few stereotypes along the way.
• Simple can be profound.  I’ve found encouragement and insights in some of the simplest children’s books, proving that wisdom is often where we least expect it.  I remember reading “Oh the Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Seuss to my daughter one time when I was making a job change, and being struck by the wisdom of his advice about being in a “waiting place.”  “Yertle the Turtle” should be required business management reading in these post-Enron days, as a reminder that there is no king (or CEO) on the top of the stack without the hard work of the least recognized person (or turtle) at the bottom, holding everything up.  Mom was right.  Stick by your friends.  Don’t let bullies talk you into doing something you know you shouldn’t do.  Walk proud when you’re different.  And always, always, believe in yourself.

About the Author:
Gail Z. Martin owns DreamSpinner Communications and helps companies in the U.S. and Canada tell the Real Story of their business through exceptional writing and marketing. Gail has an MBA in marketing and over 20 years of corporate and non-profit experience at senior executive levels. She leads webinars and teleseminars for organizations and professional associations on marketing topics, and she is the author of The Summoner and The Blood King novels in the Chronicles of the Necromancer fantasy adventure series.

Sign up for a FREE email mini course, FREE marketing conference call and a FREE teleseminar on Telling Your Real Story. Find out more about Gail’s books at http://www.ChroniclesOfTheNecromancer.com.  Contact Gail at gail@dreamspinnercommunications.com to start telling the Real Story of your business.