Momference: A Meeting of the Moms

A dear male friend and business partner sent me this wonderful list with a note that said “for your inspiration.”  We hope that you enjoy it as much as we have at Momference!

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

• enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…
• something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…
• a youth she’s content to leave behind….
• a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age….
• a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…
• one friend who always makes her laugh…and one who lets her cry…
• a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored…
• a feeling of control over her destiny.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW HOW TO…

• fall in love without losing herself.
• quit a job,
• break up with a lover,
• confront a friend without ruining the friendship…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

• when to try harder…and WHEN TO WALK AWAY. ..   
• that she can’t change the length of her calves,
  the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
• that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over…
• what she would and wouldn’t do for love…
• how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…
• whom she can trust, whom she can’t, and why she shouldn’t take it personally…
• where to go…
  be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
  or a charming inn in the woods…
  when her soul needs soothing…
• what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
  a month…
  and a year…

What do you think that every woman should know or have in their life?  Please share your thoughts with us!

This post is dedicated to Angela (who we love and adore at Momference!) of One Lily who sent this story over to us for the Momference blog to  to remind women everywhere that, even though it may feel like it sometimes, you are not invisible.  You are doing the most important job on the planet everyday!  With this in mind, we will start a category called “Momference Moments,” which will be filled with moments of inspiration for mothers. 

The Invisible Mom: 

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’ Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible; “The Invisible Mom.”

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I’m not a pair of hands. I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’ I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, and she’s gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: ‘To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.’ And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.’

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, ‘you’re gonna love it there.’

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!

Share this with all the Invisible Moms you know….. we just did.
The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.

Feel free to send us your Momference Moments to share with other mothers! 

Also, dont forget, the Momference Divorce event (scheduled for April 9 & April 12th) and the Special Needs Children event (scheduled for April 26th) are open for registration.  Register early before all seats are filled!