Momference: A Meeting of the Moms

If you missed the Day 1 of Divorce: Passion, Power, and Play , then you missed tons of great expert advice on handling divorce! For example, check out Lilli Vasileff’s informative session from Day 1 Divorce: Passion, Power, and Play  event of the on “Handling Finances after Divorce!”

          
If you have not downloaded your free Momference Divorce Guide: Finding Balance After Divorce, then hurry over to the Freebies page to download your Divorce Guide today.  Plus, you can get Momference podcast “Career Perspectives – from Corporate to Mompreneur” AND “Handling Finances after Divore” absolutely FREE by signing up for Momference Muse today!

           
There are only 3 seats left in the Saturday, Day 2 Divorce: Passion, Power, and Play event, so sign up today! Even if you cant stay for all of the sessions, you get free podcasts of every minute!

Creating a strong virtual community of divorced women, Momference is partnering with industry experts and life coaches ready to answer personal questions by bring knowledge every session of the “Divorce: Passion, Power, and Play” event.   The “Divorce: Passion, Power, and Play” event will be conducted in a real time, virtual connections through webinars delivered directly to participants computers with free podcasts of all sessions (in case you cant be at a sessions) and virtual goodie bags of workshop materials.

It’s not too late to join the “Divorce: Passion, Power, and Play” event.

From the contemplation of separation to well after everything is divided including child custody, every step of divorce is difficult. So often, women struggle alone with the after effects of divorce without realizing that there is a support group from millions of women experiencing the journey of divorce joined by experts in the field relationship coaching.

Join Momference today for the Divorce: Passion, Power, and Play event to gain expert guidance on how to live after Divorce!

Hurry now to take advantage of the Divorce: Passion, Power, and Play event FREE special preview event and Momference Divorce Guide: Finding Balance After Divorce at http://momference.wordpress.com/free-events-and-guides/.

There is no joy without hardship.  If not for death, would we appreciate life?  If not for hate, would we know the ultimate goal is love? … At these moments you can either hold onto negativity and look for blame, or you can choose to heal and keep on loving. –Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Not unlike widows, those who divorce experience grief. After all, divorce is the death of a marriage and no one understood that better than Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Ross literally wrote the book on grief. In 1969 when her world renowned On Death and Dying began appearing on bookshelves, it revolutionized the way the world dealt with loss of all kinds. Including divorce.

Ross originally intended her now widely recognized Five Stages of Grief to apply to any type of personal devastation including the loss of a loved one, job, income, freedom, and, yes even divorce. Which makes perfect sense. What also makes sense is that you are not alone in your grief. Your children are right there beside you. Your marriage, no matter how undesirable, was the foundation on which their family was built. Therefore, it is impossible for them to conceive of the union dissolving.

Divorce, Denial, and Moving On

For divorcing families, the first step in the grieving process is denial. It may be hard for you to believe this is happening to you and your family. This disbelief can even lead to thoughts of reconciliation. Even if you were the party who filed first, dissolving a marriage is a tough. After all, you did promise to love, honor, and cherish till death do you part. You had faith in these vows and so did your children.

Since their birth, your children lived within the boundaries of your marriage. Therefore when it ends, they will grieve as well. Parents need to be gentle and empathetic with their denial. Especially if you have moved out of this stage and are ready to begin the next phase of your life. Studies have shown that children who do not receive adequate support during this trying time can remain in the denial stage for longer than is healthy. This can lead to confusion and anger if you must move or when you start dating. Your children will see these steps as betrayal. They will feel you are betraying the other parent, your marriage, and most importantly them. Let them know you understand how they feel. Let them know that while it may be difficult, you will make this transition as a family.

Helping Your Child Deal With Denial and Your Divorce

• Be Upfront.  Once divorce is a certainty, tell your children. Keeping it from them is not a protective measure. In fact, it can easily be more harmful and increases the likelihood they will learn about the divorce from someone outside the family. This will not only hurt, it may possibly lead to distrust on their part.
• Stand United. Both parents should be present when you tell your children about the divorce. It will show them that you both love them and will always do what is in their best interest.
• Be Firm. Let your children know, in no uncertain terms, that reconciliation is not possible. This will help ease their denial and any disillusion they may have about being able to save the marriage.
• Give Permission. It is important your children know it is permissible to love both parents and that both parents love them. While it is tempting, especially during a bitter divorce, to sway your children to your side, it can be damaging to their relationship with their other parent.
• Encourage Talk. Encouraging your children to talk about how they feel makes the divorce more real. Be prepared for them to be angry, scared, insecure, and any of a number of other emotions. But facing these emotions is much healthier for them than denying their feelings or pretending the divorce is not happening.
• Always Family. Make sure your children know that you will always be their mother and father. That this will never change.

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Karen Gardner, ACPI CCP is a graduate of the Academy for Coaching Parents International. As a certified coach for parents she specializes in separated, divorced, and single parent issues. She will speak at the 2008 Momference Power, Passion, and Play on April 12, 2008 at 11:00 A.M. Her presentation, Parenting With Your Ex-Easier Said Than Done: Developing a Co-Parenting Plan, offers suggestions on how to lessen the stress of post-divorce parenting.

Power, Passion, and Play, an online webinar and teleconference, is designed to help divorced women explore issues that relate to their unique needs. It includes nine sessions with experts from a variety of disciplines including financing, health, self-empowerment, and parenting. The event, which requires advance registration and payment, is scheduled for April 9 and April 12, 2008. For more information or to register, visit www.Momference.com. For more information on Karen and other upcoming classes visit, www.ParentWell.net. 

While you hope that  your first marriage will last forever, statistics and experience often show that this is not the case—with nearly 1.7 million tying the knot for the second time in 2001 alone. But planning a wedding can be very different the next time around, especially if you find yourself preparing to be “Just Married” … with kids!

Whether you’re wedding a partner with children from a previous relationship, or you have kids yourself, here are some easy ways to involve the kids in your special day …

Planning the wedding:

Before the big day even arrives, consider getting your kids involved in the many aspects of planning a wedding.

• Picking out the rings. This can be very exciting, especially if you go to a jewelry store like Spence Diamonds where the kids can freely try on thousands of models themselves. Even if you have a specific style already in mind, being consulted on their opinions can make kids feel great.
• Sampling the food & cake. Something involving food? Need I say more?
• Fittings. Depending on their ages, getting fitted for a dress or tuxedo can be very exciting. As well, being involved in the selection of other dresses, wedding colours, or even jewelry can also help them feel part of the team.
• Attend bridal shows or another wedding together. These can be excellent ways for younger children to get a sense of what they might expect to see or do at your wedding.

At the wedding:

In addition to the common roles children often take (bridesmaid, groomsman, best man, usher, flower girl or ring bearer), here are a few other ideas on how to get them actively involved:

• Handing out wedding programs
• Taking pictures with disposable cameras
• Lighting a “Family Candle” in place of a “Unity Candle”
• Participating in the reciting of vows
• Walking you or with you down the isle
• Operating a bubble machine or handing out confetti or rice

At the reception:

After the wedding, there are still lots of things for kids to do:

• Helping to seat people
• Presenting wedding favours to the guests
• Reminding guests to sign the guestbook
• Organizing the gift table
• Taking part in a “family dance” (i.e. bride, groom and kids)

You could also make a special toast to the children immediately after the toast to the bride and groom. However, a small word of caution. Be sensitive to your children’s feelings and realize that kids are often shy. If they are reluctant, understand there may be many reasons for this and try to respect their wishes. Forcing children to participate rarely works out.

Regardless of how you involve you children, your efforts will be well worth it. Encouraging your kids to take active roles in your wedding not only affirms their importance in your life, but will also create memories to last a lifetime.

If you have not signed up for the upcoming FREE “Divorce: Passion, Power, and Play” event with Dr. Pepper Schwartz, then do it now before all the spaces are taken!

About the Author:
Rob Stringer, BA, BEd, CPC is an award-winning Educator and Parenting & Personal Success Coach who is passionate about helping people live lives they LOVE! In addition to coaching kids, young adults, parents & families, Rob also appears regularly in magazines across North America, offers workshops & keynotes, and is the host of The Parenting with Intention Radio Hour. To find out more and subscribe to his free monthly newsletter, visit www.ParentingWithIntention.ca.

Starting in the Spring of 2008, Momference will present events geared toward truly changing and empowering the lives of women everywhere!  Events will focus around the areas of:

·Divorce,
·Special Needs Families,
·Domestic Violence,
·Parenting Teens,
·Child Safety,
·Mompreneurs

Visit our new online Momference events calendar to see a complete listing of online tele-conferences and webinars lead by leading experts in the fields of parenting and women’s coaching.

Speaking of News!
Are you divorced, going through a divorce, or know someone who is getting a divorce?  Everyone does!

The upcoming Momference event, “Divorce: Passion, Power, and Play,” is the ideal way to help yourself or someone you love deal with the issues surrounded the break up of a marriage.  As the perfect gift of healing for yourself or a way to help a loved one struggling with the pain of divorce, the small registration fee of $39 includes both days of the event, a special virtual goodie bag, and podcasts of all of the sessions to review at your leisure! 

The keynote speak of the “Divorce: Passion, Power, and Play,” event will be Dr. Pepper Schwartz, the author of Prime: Adventures and Advice about Sex, Love and the Sensual Years. She is a renowned author, lecturer and authority on the subject of sexuality and relationships. Pepper wrote the column “Sex and Health” for Glamour magazine for seven years. She has appeared on such television programs as The Oprah Winfrey Show, Dateline and Dr. Phil, and on programs for the cable television network Lifetime.

If you have not signed up for the upcoming FREE “Divorce: Passion, Power, and Play” preview call with Dr. Pepper Schwartz, then do it now before all the spaces are taken!

Sign up for your FREE Momference Muse newsletter today! Included in every FREE monthly Momference Muse newsletter are tips and topics by industry experts to empower you as a woman and as a mother.

For a limited time, when you sign up for Momference Muse , you receive the best selling Momference podcast “Career Perspectives – from Corporate to Mompreneur” absolutely FREE!

Send Me Momference Muse!

In the Free “Career Perspectives – from Corporate to Mompreneur” Momference podcast, five noted industry Momference parenting experts explore the various work arrangements available for Moms today such as:

• Job Sharing
• Flex Time
• Telecommuting
• Running your own company

Giving you proven techniques to help you discover the benefits of each and how to make them work for you, the Momference podcast “Career Perspectives – from Corporate to Mompreneur,” will show you how to propose them to employers and win acceptance or enjoy the advantages of being your own boss!

Send Me Momference Muse!

Dont wait another moment…Get your free “Career Perspectives – from Corporate to Mompreneur” Momference podcast and Momference Muse Newsletter full of the most mom-ful information on the planet!

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Sign up today for a FREE preview call with noted expert Grace Mauzy or Dr. Pepper Schwartz (as seen on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Dateline and Dr. Phil, and on programs for the cable television network Lifetime)!  No obligation…nothing to buy.  While you are at it, you can sign up for both FREE preview calls, but register today as spaced is limited!

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I have recently been coaching a woman who has made a decision with her husband to separate for one year and begin the process to rediscover themselves and their marriage.  Our coaching work has been on re-connecting her to herself and on defining what a good relationship and marriage looks like to her.

In one of our sessions she said, “I am not divorced and not ready to think about divorce…I feel like if I think about it, then I will manifest it.  Where are women to go when they are truly separated and not in the ‘pre-divorce” stage”?

It was a great question and caused me to reflect on that little “s” word that causes so much pain and that no one ever talks about….Separation.

As a result, and as the founder of The D Spot, I have been thinking so much about women whose marriages are struggling and who are working with their spouses on how they can work through the challenges and stay married.  The “D” is not part of the discussion and poses a fear that if focused on, could derail attempts to work things out.

My work as a Divorce and Life Transition Coach focuses on helping women look at divorce as a journey of self discovery and reconnecting them to who they are and the life they are meant to live. 

As I pondered my client’s question, I realized that this work does not have to be for divorced women only…rather, it would benefit all women…married, single, divorced, and Separated.   There is a wonderful quote that says, “The quality of your relationships is in direct proportion to the amount of yourself that you’re able to share with someone.”  It is a true quote, and only reflects the importance of SELF in any relationship.  This could not be more true in a love relationship or marriage.

The Journey of Divorce is no different than the journey that all women, as a matter of fact all people, deserve and have the right to begin.  It is a journey that will provide self awareness, clarity, insight, control, freedom, confidence and joy! 

Divorce, as a major life transition and devastating experience, often precipitates radical life change.  But it doesn’t have to be the only experience to lead one to the decision to Journey.

Perhaps it is:

• Dissatisfaction with your life direction
• Struggles in a love relationship or marriage
• Career unhappiness
• Feeling stuck and overwhelmed by life
• Needing inspiration and  motivation
• That is creating a need for change. 

 The same principles apply at any stage and phase of life.

The challenge with a Separation, is to explore how each individual in the relationship can begin a life journey as individuals and as a relationship.  There is no Separation rulebook.  No right or wrong, no resources or support professionals…just a fear that it could lead to divorce and then what?

So, I have begun to design a coaching package for women in the midst of a Separation from their spouse…those wishing that they knew what to do, how to move forward, how to communicate, how to begin the journey….

It is about the journey, not the destination.  You don’t have to be a “D”, you can be an “S” and still take the steps towards discovery, connection, fulfillment and ultimately, happiness.  

As with all of my clients, students, friends and colleagues….I remind you that you are not alone.  The Journey is one that all of us need to begin and to continue on throughout our lives.  It is on the journey that we will create the life that we are meant to live. 

Do not be afraid, be curious.  Ask questions. Be completely honest with yourself.  It is in the place of honesty and vulnerability that you will find the rewards.

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Sign up today for a FREE preview call with noted expert Grace Mauzy or Dr. Pepper Schwartz (as seen on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Dateline and Dr. Phil, and on programs for the cable television network Lifetime)!  No obligation…nothing to buy.  While you are at it, you can sign up for both FREE preview calls, but register today as spaced is limited!

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Laura Campbell
Founder, The D Spot
Divorce, Separation and Life Transition Coach
www.discoverthedspot.com
discoverthedspot@gmail.com

As stated early on, our goal at Momference is to celebrate, empower, and educate moms in all aspects of their lives.  That means that we have strong, life changing events like the divorce, special needs children, and domestic violence events led by industry experts aimed at helping women change their lives.  It also means that we produce podcasts located in the Podcast Plaza on specialized subjects so moms can experience the power of the Momference community in their cars, on the treadmill during exercise routines, or while fixing dinner.

Why?  Women’s lives are busy!  We know…that is the understatement of the year. 

But, there are a few other things that Momference does that you might not know about.  Every season, Momference produces a guide that addresses the stress and success of women.  With Valentines Day coming up, of course, our focus is on Love and Relationships.  So, Momference gathered together 14 top industry experts to contribute articles on how to make the most of love, great ways to keep the sizzle alive, and ways to handle divorce with style!  With over 40 pages of informative and, often, entertaining articles, The Momference Guide to Love and Relationships is devoted to the topic of enjoying Valentines Day whether you are single, committed, or married.

Are you asking yourself….”What does this cost?”  If so, then you will love the price! 

It is free….completely….without charge at all!  You dont even have to buy something to get it free….it is all yours!  Once you download Momference Guide to Love and Relationships, you can even send it to every woman you know who might needs it.  What a lovely Valentines Day email to your friends.  Print it and put it in a Valentines Day card for the special women in your life!  Be creative and share it with as many women—friends, family, coworkers—as you like.  You can put it on your blog or website.  We only ask that it remain intact and completely FREE of charge to all.

As we realize that the greatest gift that can be shared in a community is knowledge, Momference shares this gift with you!  Happy Valentines Day….enjoy your Momference Guide to Love and Relationships! 

Our next guide will be on Mothers Day!  Have topic you think would be great?  Leave a comment!  ~~Dee, the Momference Team

Momference Gossip:  Be on the look out for your way to sign up for our Monthly Momference Muse full of tips and tricks to make being Mom easier!

It has been almost four years since my divorce and I realize that the word divorce does not accurately or adequately describe what this time has really been like.  It was not an end, or a moment of it being “over”, it has been a transition.  It has not been the end of a marriage, but rather a redefining of myself and of family…a beginning.

The word “divorce” means to legally dissolve a marriage and to leave one’s husband/wife.”  It makes it all sound so simple, so clean and so clear….NOT!  It is anything but simple, clean and clear!

Rather, it is an attitude re-adjustment.  We have undergone a change in the status of our relationship. We are no longer married, we are partners in parenting…we are PIPs!  And we will be partners in parenting for the rest of our lives.  When you get married, you commit to loving and supporting your husband “for the rest of your life…forever”…..well, although you may not love him or support him, if you have children, you will continue to have a relationship with him…divorce or no divorce!

He is not gone, I am not widowed….he is still there.  We once knew how to communicate with each other….now we don’t.  They said I would be “free to move on”…but although I am free to rediscover who I am and what my purpose is….I am still part of a “relationship” with him.  It is just a different relationship.  And no one has told me how this relationship works. 

No one told me that we would need to find a new way to communicate and that it would take more patience, thought and compassion than it did while we were married.  No one told me that there is so much to learn about how to be me and make sure that I act in the best interests of my children. 

No one told me that divorce was really not an end…that it is a beginning.  The beginning of a transformation and transition to a new me…a newly defined family…a new definition of parenting.  A process of learning, a process of understanding, letting go, moving forward, re-discovery…it is a journey.

So, I am telling you, it should not be called divorce….because it is not really over.  It is a beginning. An opportunity to re-define the relationship you have with him and find a space for the new partnership that you will need to have for the benefit of your children…all while creating the life you want.

It is not simple, clean, and clear…it is difficult, transformative and life changing.  But you are in control of how this new beginning goes…so go slow, be cautious, think before you speak and be kind to yourself.   And above all else, remember, you are not alone and you will need support for this journey. 

Early Registration for the Momference event “Divorce: Power, Passion and Play”  (March 5th, March 8th, 200 is now open!

About the Author:
Laura Campbell, Founder of The D Spot / Divorce and Life Transition Coach
The D Spot
helping women regroup, renew and reinvent themselves before, during and after divorce
discoverthedspot@gmail.com
www.discoverthedspot.com