Momference: A Meeting of the Moms

A dear male friend and business partner sent me this wonderful list with a note that said “for your inspiration.”  We hope that you enjoy it as much as we have at Momference!

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

• enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…
• something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…
• a youth she’s content to leave behind….
• a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age….
• a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…
• one friend who always makes her laugh…and one who lets her cry…
• a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored…
• a feeling of control over her destiny.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW HOW TO…

• fall in love without losing herself.
• quit a job,
• break up with a lover,
• confront a friend without ruining the friendship…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

• when to try harder…and WHEN TO WALK AWAY. ..   
• that she can’t change the length of her calves,
  the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
• that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over…
• what she would and wouldn’t do for love…
• how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…
• whom she can trust, whom she can’t, and why she shouldn’t take it personally…
• where to go…
  be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
  or a charming inn in the woods…
  when her soul needs soothing…
• what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
  a month…
  and a year…

What do you think that every woman should know or have in their life?  Please share your thoughts with us!

Creating a strong virtual community of divorced women, Momference is partnering with industry experts and life coaches ready to answer personal questions by bring knowledge every session of the “Divorce: Passion, Power, and Play” event.   The “Divorce: Passion, Power, and Play” event will be conducted in a real time, virtual connections through webinars delivered directly to participants computers with free podcasts of all sessions (in case you cant be at a sessions) and virtual goodie bags of workshop materials.

It’s not too late to join the “Divorce: Passion, Power, and Play” event.

We spend more hours at work than any other generation, leaving us less time for housework and leisure time. If you value leisure time over housework, then de-stressing household chores should become your priority.
And with children in the house, well, comedian Phyllis Diller said it best: “Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.”

Here are six tips to de-stress cleaning house, to give yourself more time for your family and yourself!

1. Delegate.
Don’t take on all housecleaning chores by yourself. Delegate weekly chores with a chart you make listing: person responsible, day of week, chore, reward. Adding a column for rewards is important to motivate you and your family toward success. In fact, think about what family restaurant outing or entertainment expense you believe is worth skipping to bring in a cleaning service once a month to give yourself a real vacation.

2. Spot clean each day. Get a bucket and fill it with a rag, cleaning fluid, paper towels and a scrub brush. Take it with you when you take a shower in the morning to spot clean (quick clean) as you go. Ditto with every room you visit each day. Spot cleaning each day prevents you from spending hours each week cleaning leftover messes. Then hide that bucket under the sink until the next day.

3. Choose a “clean sweep” day. On “clean sweep” day, whether it’s once a week or once a month, take your cleaning bucket from room to room and scour up. You can choose one room or two rooms per “clean sweep” day. Mark these days on your calendar to stay ahead of your mess.

4. Don’t be a maid to your things. If you have too much stuff to clean, get rid of some of your stuff. If you want to donate it, immediately put a box full of things to be donated inside your car trunk so the box doesn’t become one more thing to step over when you walk inside your door.

5. Integrate. Integrate pleasant or distracting activities into your house cleaning. While you fold clothes, watch a favorite show. Play dance music to energize you, and for the exercise as you go. Invite your children to describe their day while you clean the kitchen, and invite them to talk and help as you go.

6. Forgive yourself. Relax, because there’s no law against messy houses. If you are stressed-out, forgive yourself the chore of housecleaning. The mess will still be there tomorrow, but you’ll be in a better, calmer mood to attack it. If you get a surprise visit, laugh out loud about it. Laughter is contagious, and knowing not everyone is perfect (nor are their houses) is a refreshing break from the demands we place on ourselves and others.

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Ruth Klein, America’s trademarked De-Stress Diva, is a nationally renowned lifestyle and time management coach, best-selling author and consultant. With a master’s degree in clinical psychology, Ruth Klein has coached clients ranging from stay-at-home moms and working mothers to Fortune 500 executives on how to maximize their productivity, minimize their stress and enjoy a more rewarding life. She is the author of the book, “Time Management Secrets for Working Women,” which also will be the subject of an upcoming PBS Special.

In the course of a typical work day, each person gets interrupted about every three minutes (with an average of 20 times per hour). This equates to 160-200 interruptions per day. Yikes! Is it any wonder, then, that people often leave work feeling like they’ve accomplished nothing? In some cases, that’s exactly what happens, as the day is filled with interruptions and little focused time.

Interruptions pull you out of your current focus (i.e. email, report, project or workflow) and into someone else’s world. This “pull” sometimes comes in the form of a friendly request such as “Can I have just a few minutes of your time,” or perhaps a hasty demand such as “I need your help with something.” Either way, it’s generally unproductive work behavior that actually creates inefficiency for both parties.

Research from Dr. Gloria Mark of the Donald Bren School of Information and Computer Sciences at the University of California in Irvine, indicates that it takes anywhere between 6 and 20 minutes to recover and refocus after you are interrupted. So, not only are you using up time during the actual interruption, you are also expending additional time to “get back on track” with the work you were doing prior to being interrupted. The brain requires cycle time to process the data needed to handle the interruption, track back to the original task, remember what the original goal was, then move towards completion of that task. While you might find yourself saying, “Oh no, I’m actually great at handling interruptions and multi-tasking…it doesn’t really bother me,” chances are you find yourself exhausted at the end of the day from the mental exhaustion of interrupt-driven environments.

Rather than feeling you are at the mercy of continual interruptions, you may want to consider restructuring your time at work to maximize your productivity and sense of ease. You can begin that process my identifying times for “planned interruptions” in which all of the small interruptions that would normally happen throughout the day are fit into buckets of time. By structuring this time two or three spots during the day, you begin to create more focus, structure and management of your time. This not only protects your max productivity time but also encourages others to better manage themselves throughout the day. The simple act of declaring your desire to reduce interruptions works magic - you get more disciplined at work, others group their questions prior to approaching you and, most importantly, you save time and energy at work.

On a recent client call with Venkat, he lamented, “I feel like I can never get anything done. My whole day is just a series of interruptions from my manager and all my staff. I just have to accept that I have to work this way…even if it means that I am not doing my best work and I’m always stressed out.” Venkat seemed to accept that his work would be stressful and that interruptions were inevitable. I challenged both assumptions and encouraged him to explore how he might work with more ease. During the rest of our call, we identified the following actions he could implement to change things in his work environment:

1. Pinpoint his hours of optimum productivity (it was 10:00am to 2:00pm)
2. Organize his meetings and schedule to allow him uninterrupted time between 10:00am and 2:00pm
3. Determine three time blocks during the day for planned interruption (his were 9:00am-10:00am, 3:00pm-4:00pm and 6:00pm-7:00pm)
4. Communicate the idea of planned interruption to his team and indicate the blocks of time he would be available while encouraging his team members to keep the similar schedule.
5. Pilot this new schedule for 30 days as an experiment

Over the next month, he was thrilled with the results his actions had created. These periods of planned interruption dramatically increased Venkat’s productivity as well as his team’s. People began to respect each other’s time more, kept their questions more focused, and honored the hours available. After one month, they decided to implement planned interruptions as a standard practice going forward. In fact, because they now have structures to handle the interruptions, they can focus more fully on their work, generate better solutions and engage in more innovative thinking.

How might you begin to build in planned interruptions during the course of your workday? Can you target “non-interrupt” time and also “interrupt” time? How can you communicate this to others and begin to manage the flow of your workday rather than it feeling out of control and overwhelming? Consider it a gift to yourself, one that will help you move towards greater productivity and ease.

by Athena Williams-Atwood, President of Work With Ease

About the Author:

Athena Williams-Atwood in 1999 committed to assisting individuals and organizations to increase their productivity, profitability and achieve a sense of ease at work.    Athena has worked with over 6,000 individuals and 300 companies ranging from start-ups to Fortune 500 organizations.   She combines practical business principles with mind-body medicine to create an integrated approach to work.  Visit WorkWithEase.com to receive your FREE audio program.

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• Job Sharing
• Flex Time
• Telecommuting
• Running your own company

Giving you proven techniques to help you discover the benefits of each and how to make them work for you, the Momference podcast “Career Perspectives – from Corporate to Mompreneur,” will show you how to propose them to employers and win acceptance or enjoy the advantages of being your own boss!

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“Professional women have made tremendous strides in terms of drawing on our strengths, abilities, and confidence in the workplace in recent years, but it’s clear that we have a long way to go before we are using our female power with self-assurance and ease,” says Kathy Caprino, MA, personal and professional coach, psychotherapist, and researcher of midlife professional women in transition.

Based on her national research study Women Overcoming Crisis: Finding New Meaning in Life and Work and work with hundreds of professional women each year, Caprino is finding that even high-level, high-achieving professional women report battling insecurity and discomfort in using their voices to speak up and say “no” or “yes” when necessary. Many professional women do not serve as their own advocate, nor do they experience being supported or mentored by other colleagues in the workplace.  Professional women also reveal a reluctance to embrace new opportunities that may lead to greater advancement and leadership, particularly if the change in responsibility or focus takes them out of their comfort zone.

Clearly, there is a palpable power differential experienced by women in the workplace, and the leadership styles of men and women remain widely divergent, contributing to gaps in understanding, acceptance, and trust. In the end, Caprino’s research participants report experiencing less than a rock-solid sense of empowerment and strength in their work lives.  These gaps that professional women experience in their own empowerment can lead to personal and professional crisis, and a deep desire to transition away from the current professional track and identity to a brand new one.

How can women gain in empowerment, and avoid professional crises altogether?  Caprino has found the following approaches, suggested by her research participants who have successfully reinvented their lives, work, and professional identities, to be very effective:

• Remember, you are a many-faceted individual. Your life is a mosaic. Your current job does not define who you are in this world. Let go of what isn’t working.  Over-identification with any role in your life can lead to emotional difficulty and limitation. You are more than your current job or professional identity. If you don’t like who you are at work or what you are focusing on, you need to either find ways to change your style or behavior to your liking, or find new work or workplace that allows you to be and to express who you truly are.
• Stretch and grow at all times..say “yes” to new opportunities that excite you (even if they make you nervous)  Again, you are more than you think you are. You have a wider array of skills, strengths and capabilities than you are aware of at the moment. If you are offered an opportunity that allows you to stretch in a new area, and this area feels exciting to you, then go for it! The expansion you’ll experience will allow new preferences and strengths to emerge. Be committed to continually expanding your knowledge and skill base. Move away from your perfectionism and needing to be an expert. Be a beginner again, and don’t shy away from trying new things.
• Don’t let your ego lead you around by the nose. Ego-based decisions are those that lead you to actions that simply inflate your ego and your sense of outward domination, power, control, and recognition. Often these ego-based decisions point you in a direction that is not in line with what you are truly passionate about. Integrate your ego with your intuition, your higher thinking skills, and your understanding of what you value and appreciate. Make decisions that reflect who are and wish to be in life.
• Get out of denial when things aren’t working  Staying in the dark about what makes you unhappy only prolongs your suffering, and postpones the action that eventually must be taken. Get hip to what isn’t working in your life and work, and begin to create a meaningful action plan for addressing what needs to be changed, added, redirected, or released.
• Receive outside support; elicit new, unbiased and expansive perspectives  How do you identify clearly what has to change and how to change it? Get some unbiased help, which can come in many forms including an outside mentor, coach, career counselor if needed, or someone who has done what you wish to do who can provide beneficial guidance. Helpful support is neutral, not biased, and aims to help you on you path (not someone else’s) by providing fresh insights and perspectives on how you can draw on your vast potential to achieve what you desire.
• Know your passions and talents, and find work that emphasizes them  So many professionals (women and men alike) haven’t taken the time to understand what they are passionate about in life — what endeavors give them joy and positive energy. This is an essential step to take to avoid professional crisis. Discover and identify specifically what stimulates you, know what you are uniquely talented at and excited about, and move toward these endeavors. Find new ways to bring them forth in your personal and professional life wherever possible.
• Decide what your life outside of work needs to encompass  In order to achieve essential work/life balance, you must know what balance means to you. What do you need and want to have in your life outside of work, to feel that you are living the life you desire? Get as clear as possible about what your personal life needs to express and embody. Once you know, than your priorities will become clearer, which in turn allows you greater conscious control over how you manage your work life.
• Develop short- and long-term goals for all areas of your life. Act on these, and review your progress,
  continually.  If you haven’t already, it’s time to sit down with a pad and outline both short- and long-term goals for all key areas of your life and work that reflect who you are at your core, and what you wish your life to mean and contribute going forward. Make your goals concrete, specific, behavioral and measurable, and don’t limit yourself only to what you think is possible. Develop goals that reflect your true potential, and what you dream you can do. Once you commit these goals to paper, break them down into bite-sized, doable mini-steps, and begin to take action. Revisit your steps and your goals regularly.
• Know your value. Don’t underestimate yourself and be your own advocate. Believe in yourself and your potential.
  According to many of the professional women studied, men seem to be more skilled overall in perceiving their own value and taking advantageous action based on an unwavering estimation of their current and potential contribution. Women are in a somewhat earlier stage of development in their ability to embrace and express their worth in the workplace and at home.
• Be authentic to yourself. Take positive action and use your voice in empowered ways, always. Don’t be afraid to put yourself forward.  Trying to be someone else in the workplace simply doesn’t work. Do and say what is authentic and appropriate for you. Develop an integrated style that embodies your values around leadership, authority, power, delegating, executing, relating, and communicating – a style that allows you to express who you are and what is important to you.
  The more you do this, the more it will become apparent if and when you need to make a change in your professional life.

Employing these strategies will not only help you avoid professional crisis altogether, but also bring you forward on your path of professional and personal fulfillment, strength, and confidence for a lifetime.
For more information on the Women Overcoming Professional Crisis: Finding New Meaning in Life and Work national research study or Caprino’s Life and Career Path Assessments and coaching programs, please visit
www.kathycaprino.com

About the Author:
Kathy Caprino, MA is a personal and professional coach, psychotherapist, author, and speaker on successfully navigating through major professional and personal transition, and making the most of our lives. She has co-founded Living in Harmony-The Center for Emotional Health (www.livinginharmonycenter.com) in Westport, CT, and also specializes in Empathic Parenting coaching that fosters empowerment and self-reliance in children and families. Ms. Caprino is conducting a national research study on Women Overcoming Professional Crisis: Finding New Meaning in Life and Work, co-sponsored by The Esteemed Woman Foundation.

For more information about personal, professional, or relationship coaching, or programs for corporate professionals, please contact:
Email: kathy@kathycaprino.com
Web: http://www.kathycaprino.com

We lose a lot when we accept society’s pressure to box off parts of ourselves depending on the time of day and whether we’re wearing our business suit or our sweat suit.  Sometimes, that pressure to compartmentalize means we tend to forget that what we learn in one part of our life can provide valuable insights into other parts of life.  Here are a few of the things I’ve learned over the last 15 years of blending motherhood and business management:

• Taking a Deep Breath Helps.  Time-out works.  When my kids were very young and time-outs were frequent, I learned that I probably needed the time-out even more than they did so that I could regain perspective and think about my BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement, as they say in the office).  Was the issue worth the effort?  Had I overlooked something from the other person’s perspective?  Being hungry, tired or wet  can make a person cranky.  Fix what’s causing the grouchiness, and the surface problem may take care of itself.
• I found that the same skills worked at the office.  Once when two staffers were arguing about a fairly trivial issue, I refused to make the decision.  Instead, I told them to go back to their offices, write up the justification for their separate proposals, and not come back to me until they had a workable solution.  Stunned, one man asked if I had just put him in time out.  “Yes,” I replied, “and don’t make me take away dessert!”  Abashed, the two quarreling co-workers went back to their desks, thought through their differing proposals and came back with a workable solution.  (And in the meantime, I diffused the general tension in the office, bought myself time to think about the differing approaches, and made a few phone calls to check out what was really going on.)
• Discoveries don’t happen on schedule.  Creativity and true insight is less likely to happen when you’re grinding away than when you take a walk, stare out the window, or switch scenery.  Fidgeting during homework is part of thinking.  Why expect it to work differently just because you’re in a suit at a desk?  Give yourself permission to walk around the building, stare out the window at the squirrels, listen to a relaxing song or do a 10-minute meditation.  You can be working when it doesn’t look like work.  (And you can be spinning your wheels when you look productive.)
• Fairness counts.  No, the world isn’t fair—but you can make your corner of it as even-handed as possible.  And with a teenager, a pre-teen and an elementary schooler, I know that fair isn’t always the same as equal and equal isn’t always fair.  Having said that, the trust that comes with knowing you will get a square deal goes a long way.  Whether you’re in the office or on the playground, it’s not nice to play favorites, ignore the rules, cheat to win, or switch rules in the middle of the game.
• People learn from watching you.  My children have learned that teachers grade papers at night, TV commercials are written by someone, and books start out as a big stack of loose papers.  Their trips to my office—and later, up the stairs to my home office when I started my company—taught a lot about how business and finance work.  At the same time, co-workers in the corpborate environment learned that having children doesn’t mean a woman loses the ability to think, work or meet deadlines.  Motherhood meant that I challenged any entrenched inefficiency or thoughtless imposition that got in the way of getting the maximum amount of work done before daycare closed.  That made for a more productive workplace and lightened a few stereotypes along the way.
• Simple can be profound.  I’ve found encouragement and insights in some of the simplest children’s books, proving that wisdom is often where we least expect it.  I remember reading “Oh the Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Seuss to my daughter one time when I was making a job change, and being struck by the wisdom of his advice about being in a “waiting place.”  “Yertle the Turtle” should be required business management reading in these post-Enron days, as a reminder that there is no king (or CEO) on the top of the stack without the hard work of the least recognized person (or turtle) at the bottom, holding everything up.  Mom was right.  Stick by your friends.  Don’t let bullies talk you into doing something you know you shouldn’t do.  Walk proud when you’re different.  And always, always, believe in yourself.

About the Author:
Gail Z. Martin owns DreamSpinner Communications and helps companies in the U.S. and Canada tell the Real Story of their business through exceptional writing and marketing. Gail has an MBA in marketing and over 20 years of corporate and non-profit experience at senior executive levels. She leads webinars and teleseminars for organizations and professional associations on marketing topics, and she is the author of The Summoner and The Blood King novels in the Chronicles of the Necromancer fantasy adventure series.

Sign up for a FREE email mini course, FREE marketing conference call and a FREE teleseminar on Telling Your Real Story. Find out more about Gail’s books at http://www.ChroniclesOfTheNecromancer.com.  Contact Gail at gail@dreamspinnercommunications.com to start telling the Real Story of your business.

When I was growing up in the 50’s and 60’s virtually everyone I knew had a stay-at-home mom but of course in those days no one ever used such a term.  It was the norm and most mothers didn’t even consider the alternative.  I think I had two friends whose mothers worked outside the home when they were all almost in high school.

Times have changed dramatically.  I’ve worked with hundreds of young parents over the years and most of them go back to work after their baby’s first birthday.  Here in Canada mothers are given a one year paid maternity leave.  I know in other parts of the world it’s much less.  Some only get six weeks.  Most of these mothers go back out of economic necessity.   It’s now very difficult to raise a family on a single, average annual salary.  I talk to many mothers who agonize over having to leave their baby and go back to work.  They would give anything to stay home.

I have always considered myself a stay-at-home mom because although I’ve always worked at least part time.  I’ve always been available to my children before and after school and when they were very young.  I sometimes worked in the evenings when my husband was home.  I wouldn’t have had it any other way and knew it was the best decision for me and my family.  My husband is a busy professional who puts in long hours and I knew I would be able to provide the balance we needed. 

Throughout my years coaching parents and presenting workshops, I’ve come to realize there are mothers who do have a choice of whether or not to stay home and they’ve chosen to go back to work.  They have found that they make better mothers when they are doing what they love.  Some say that they just couldn’t handle being with a toddler all day long.  Others say the resentment they felt brought out their worst.  They constantly felt irritable and frustrated.  Although many will say they admire mothers who stay home and find fulfillment in doing so, they have concluded that it’s just not for them.

I’m going to be honest and admit that I used to be quite judgmental towards women who chose to go back to work when their children were very small, when they had the choice.  I would say things like:  “Why did they bother having children if they weren’t prepared to be with them?’ Or, I would say:  “How could a mother possible leave their baby in the care of someone else and go back to work?” 

I can say now that I’ve changed my perspective and know those women who decide to go back to their job outside the home, do so because they know it’s best for the whole family.  They are being true to themselves.  They are women who are living with integrity.  They in fact will report that the time they spend with their children is far more enjoyable and positive than when they were home.  They may be getting less of their mother but they’re getting the best of her.  How can we say that’s a bad thing? 

Since leading parenting workshops for family life agencies, family places, elementary schools, preschools and many other organizations as well as some corporations, Barbara Desmarais became a parenting and life coach by integrating her experience, expertise, knowledge, and passion into her coaching. After receiving coach training from Coach Parenting™ Coaching, Leadership Int., and Coachville, Barbara provides coaching in person and over the phone to parents.  Barbara can be contacted through her website at www.theparentingcoach.com or barb@theparentingcoach.com.

A mom has a million things to do and countless unrealistic expectations. There’s work and career, meals to cook, laundry to do, and noses to be wiped… and oh, your husband needs your attention too! It’s no wonder that your needs fall to the bottom of the list.

Well this is your chance to walk past the unfolded laundry and focus on a little MOM time. Our experts can help turn your dreams into reality and completely transform your home, health, family, and career.

The Momference is the first ever global expert resource created especially for busy Moms - and it’s convenient! Momference puts you in a “virtual meeting room” with thousands of like-minded women from all over the country… all without the hassles of travel or getting a babysitter!

     1. Find topics you’re most interested in from expert speakers. 
     2. Get expert information you can use today!
     3. Participate. Share your thoughts… get your questions answered.

Does it sound easy?  Too easy?  The Momference Team hopes so because that means we have completed our mission!  Join us today.