When Divorce is the Answer!
January 18, 2008 at 12:26 am | In Divorce | 4 CommentsTags: Career, children, children of divorce, dads, Divorce, early years, Family, Fathers, how to, Life, mothers, Parent Children Education, parent coach, parent coaching, Parent Education, parent support, Parenting Coaches, Parenting Coaching, parents, preschoolers, relationships, teaching children, toddlers, women
“Over 50% of all marriages end in divorce.”
….Why is that?
There are many studies, researchers and experts in the field of marriage and relationships that are searching for the answer to this very question.
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Maybe it’s that the role of women in today’s society has changed so dramatically that they are no longer interested in the traditional role of wife and mother?
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Perhaps it’s that we are all living so much longer and “forever” is just so many more years than ever before?
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Or maybe it’s that we are all so used to “change is good” that we want and desire change in our lives more than ever before?
Regardless, this statistic is one that is changing society as we know it.
What I do know, is that it seems as though we, as adults and in many instances parents, have the ability to control what this statistic looks like. We have the choice of how to behave, how to feel, and what actions to take during the process of divorce.
We can maintain a level of honor, dignity and respect to all of the people involved if we set our minds to it. But it takes commitment and effort and is not going to be easy.
Managing our thoughts, emotions, and actions will go a long way in how our journey begins and especially how our children move forward through the divorce.
Divorce is not only a process, it is a journey….not a tragedy. This is not to say that it is not painful, difficult and one of the biggest transitions we will go through….but it is a journey. And I would argue, a journey of self discovery, compassion and understanding for ourselves and the world around us.
It is a difficult time that requires each woman to commit to:
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Acknowledge their role in the demise of the marriage
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Act in the best interests of the children
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Behave with integrity and respect
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Begin the journey to regroup, renew and reinvent themselves
It is in these commitments that the process of transition and the journey will truly begin. A journey that will ultimately lead to a life of abundance, joy and fulfillment.
Early Registration for the Momference event “Divorce: Power, Passion and Play” (March 5th, March 8th, 2008) is now open!
Laura Campbell
Founder, The D Spot and Life Transition Coach
Helping women regroup, renew and reinvent before, during and after divorce
www.discoverthedspot.com
discoverthedspot@gmail.com
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I agree with your post and want to add that divorce does have a different context when dealing with abuse and/or domestic violence. In a domestic violence situation, often the abuse will escalate when the victim tries to leave OR the abuser will retaliate, or seek leverage against the victim in some way. SAFETY is a number one priority, especially when children are involved. My advise in fleeing domestic violence is to get help from a shelter or domestic abuse agency ASAP. They will help make a safety plan, and find resources including emergency shelter and legal assistance. Cut off all contact with the abuser–don’t try to negotiate on your own. You may also have to avoid friends or family members that the abuser has access to, as they may become targets or be manipulated into assisting the abuser. Don’t worry about what you lost or what you left behind–just be safe!
God Bless- Lynn
(shadowwings.wordpress.com)
National Domestic Violence Hotline: http://www.ndvh.org/
Abuse is a pattern of coercive control that one person exercises over another. Battering is a behavior that physically harms, arouses fear, prevents a partner from doing what they wish or forces them to behave in ways they do not want.
Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
“Studies show that nearly 70 percent of women on welfare are victims of domestic violence. It is estimated that over 50 percent of women and children who become homeless are victims of domestic violence.” — Help USA (New York). http://www.helpusa.org/site/PageServer?pagename=HELP_ProgServ_DomesticViolence
Fathers who batter mothers are two times as likely to seek sole custody of their children. 40 to 60 percent of men who abuse women also abuse children.
Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence in the Family
(Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women): http://www.mcbw.org/dvfacts.htm
“Approximately 90% of children are aware of the violence directed at their mother…Boys who witness domestic violence are more likely to batter their female partners as adults than boys raised in nonviolent homes.” A Safe Place: Lake County Crisis Center
http://www.asafeplaceforhelp.org/childrenstatistics.html
Comment by graceofwynn — January 18, 2008 #
Lynn–You are so right. When abuse is involved in a divorce situation, women must take extra steps to protect themselves and their children from further violence. And, thank you for the links to the studies and the major help lines available. We will make a category to address hotlines that supply help to women in crisis. Thank you so much.~~Your Momference Team
Comment by momference — January 18, 2008 #
Divorce sucks.
Comment by tmulcahy — January 18, 2008 #
You are absolutely right! It is difficult and uncomfortable and one of the most significant transitions anyone will ever go through.
On the other side, it is a journey of possibility and opportunity for self-discovery and creating a life of abundance, joy and contentment.
It does require work and we are here to provide the support, resources and tools for this journey. Please let us know if there is any way that we can support you through it.
Thank you for taking the time to comment!
Laura Campbell
Divorce Team Leader for Momference
Founder, The D Spot and Life Transition Coach
Comment by Laura Campbell — January 18, 2008 #